As I go through life I endeavor to put on a smile and the inside is screaming no I don't want to smile. I have many things I want to scream out and tell the world that I am miserable. I have so much pain and want to cry aloud and tell everybody. But no I can not. What would people think of me if they knew? So I continued on putting more walls around my heart. Not allowing anyone to know what is my true self. I began to cover and the mask got thicker and thicker. I hide behind many self destructed behaviors, never knowing why? Going in and out of relationships, never finding the reality of true love. One day true love entered into my world and I did not know how to accept the sweetness of the taste of the romance, resulting into another bad experience. Why? Never knowing why, just deeper into the pain and not able to let it go. As my world began to shatter, a never ending battle within, crying behind closed doors. I saw a light underneath the door trying to enter in. I went and opened the door and began to experience the touch of what? Why? Deep within I knew there was a Creator or had experienced as a child there was someone or something within that was always bringing me comfort as I huddled in fear undertneath my blanket at night. We are instructed to leave the past behind, never allowed to mourn or weep into forgiveness, tasting, touching, and feeling humility and compassion from the effects of years of rejection, bitterness and so much more. Until one day the Holy Spirit brought back that child of many years ago and opened up an area I had covered throughout the years of my life. Why would He bring it back now? We are instructed to leave the past behind. Yet here it is? Forgiveness on many years of cover up and hiding not allowing for one to truly forgive and forget. As I mourn and weep, then found the weeping turning into freedom and joy. Why freedom and joy? The sweetness of His romance and love shed within has brought those tears of rejection, bitterness into tears of being thankful and grateful of a way of a release into the uncovering of the mask and finding that child within was and is a treasure gem and sparkles and glows with tenderness and compassion of love never found within a human being except in the one human being who came for my salvation, Yahshua into reconciliation of restoration and wholeness unto Him, Yhwh. Now I can know the true Father's love and yes even place the Father's love within others. As I seek the Father's love ministering unto Him, He ministers unto me. What greater joy and freedom is this? The years of destruction begins to melt away as the saltiness of my tears begin cleansing and removing all infection within my heart. Into the fullness of His life and identity He has chosen for me, forthisday.